The soundtrack of the 80s is better now than it was then

I watched Grosse Pointe Blank on a crappy Saturday afternoon last week – it’s one of those movies I can watch again and again. Aside from sharp dialogue and the talents of John Cusack (who is eminently watchable on screen), the movie’s soundtrack brings back memories of my youth. I, much like Cusack’s character Martin, graduated from high school in 1986, and though the characters at the reunion are a bit cliche, there’s a hint of truth to them (our Jenny Slater was Kelly Teague, a homecoming queen but not the stuck-up bitch type you’d expect – Kelly was pretty cool with everyone).

But as much as I love the soundtrack – and the songs therein – this was not the music most high schoolers were listening to in 1986. I can claim to be a huge fan of Blister in the Sun in the 1980s (I still remember the fall day I listened to it for the first time at my best friend’s house), but this was not the typical music of my peers. Sure I listened to The Clash, The Jam, Love and Rockets – but this wasn’t normal.

You want to know what the theme song at my prom was? Long Time by Boston. Yeah, Boston – that was normal.

Movies make many think the music of the 80s people listened to was all hip and edgy – Depeche Mode, Elvis Costello, The Smiths, Psychadelic Furs – but that’s not even close to the truth. You know who dominated 1986? Whitney Houston. Mr. Mister. Peter fucking Cetera. The top song of the year was That’s What Friends are For by Dionne Warwick, Elton John, and Gladys Knight. I’m sorta pissed I checked – the song is so horrendous and painful to remember. As the chorus ruminates in my brain now, a Star Trek ear worm suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

I suspect the reason this happens is songs by the Violent Femmes or The Smiths have a much longer shelf life than those of Billy Ocean or Glass Tiger (awful, awful). You’re more apt to hear Femmes on the radio today than Survivor, probably because Survivor sounds so dated whereas the Femmes are a constant underground underdog. The Femmes don’t sound like anyone else, Survivor sounds like endless others. And they’re awful too.

Would you go see a movie where the soundtrack contained Mike + The Mechanics, Michael McDonald and the Miami Sound Machine? That would have to be one good fucking movie – directed by Scorsese with at least De Niro and Nicholson (and maybe Cusack, cause he’s so watchable, you know). But this would never happen, mainly because Scorsese’s soundtracks have always been good (Goodfellas has Eric Clapton and Talking Heads), he would never litter his movie with useless pop songs. Sure Michael McDonald shows up in The 40-Year Old Virgin, but as a joke. But it was no joke in 1986, that shit was everywhere.

I’m happy Hollywood likes to portray the music of the 80s as I saw it. Reality is always better 10 years later.

And now here’s a moment of zen: