The great outdoors? Not so much

I’m not a camper, never have been. I have nothing against nature, and I’ve tried this embracing of the outdoors before – but I’ve come to realize the only way I can sleep in the great outdoors is with the help of a bottle.

The handful of occasions I’ve taken to a sleeping bag and sometimes a tent include a night in a cornfield in southern Spain, in the caves on the westernmost point in Portugal, and along the banks of the Nantahela River in North Carolina. They were fun, from what I can remember, but they weren’t done sober.

Which leaves me in a quandary when it comes to Bonnaroo, the four-day festival in the summer heat of a Tennessee June. I really want to go, for no other reason than being able to see so many good bands for a mere $250 is simply too good to pass up. But it means days of camping, lack of sleep and air conditioning, and probably endless days of sweating and humidity. Even though I’m from South Florida, I don’t like hot weather, I never have. At least the cold weather allows you to put more clothes on to stay warm. If you strip down to nothing in the heat and you’re still hot, there’s nothing else to do but suffer.

But I digress. My mind keeps thinking it’d be adventurous to camp for several days, especially if it offers the chance to see some great musical moments. But after talking to someone who went a couple of years ago to see Radiohead at the festival, all she remembered was the heat and lack of sleep. “You really have to want to see the bands” she said.

The lineup looks intriguing – Stevie Wonder, Jay-Z, Flaming Lips joining up-and-comers The XX (who I adore), Phoenix, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – not to mention a sea of people sharing the same common outlook on life.

In the end it probably won’t happen for me, mostly because I’m too old to be drunk for four days. Oh to have this concert 20 years ago.